Why Positive Thinking Works – Spirit Bear Coaching

Why Positive Thinking Works

When you give a child praise for behaving in a desired fashion, then you help to encourage the personal development of those behaviours into a good habit (life coaching and especially EFT is very effect with children that I have found in my in my practice in Tunbridge Wells, Kent). In the same manner, when you focus your attention on the positive aspects of your life (and life in general) then you encourage more of those positive things to happen until they become your life.

Positive thinking is like praise a child for wanted behaviour and negative thinking is like scolding a child for unwanted behaviour. By praising a child for wanted behaviour, you are by no means ignoring the fact that unwanted behaviour does exist. And likewise, by thinking positively, you are not ignoring the fact that negative influences exist. You are just choosing to put your attention where it does you more good than harm.

Because here is the thing about your attention. It is very powerful. The power of your attention is no less than power of creation. Your attention, like everything else in the universe, is energy. When you focus your attention on something, it is like you are sending a beam of energy to that thing. And when you feed something this energy, you make it grow.

Feeding positive thoughts your attention, this universal energy, the lifeforce that is the source of all that is, is like pouring water on a plant (except you can never overwater it). Or, like blowing up a balloon (except this balloon will never pop).

This is why visualisations work. This is why affirmations work. And this is why positive thinking works.

But as suggested above, the reverse of this is true too. Feeding negative thoughts your attention makes that negativity grow. And this is why fear works. This is why guilt and blame both work. And this is why worry and doubt and shame all work. Because they’re all forms of placing your powerful attention on something negative.

Here is a very simple experiment you can try to see this power in action. Start smiling at strangers. And this is a warm and friendly smile we’re talking about. We all know the kinds of smiles this is not referring to.

When you start smiling at strangers what you will notice is that most of them will smile back at you. Some of them, who are accustomed to smiling at strangers themselves, will do it right away, without blinking an eye. Others will be thrown for a moment, not accustomed to having a random stranger smile kindly at them. Not seeking anything in return. Just passing along a friendly blessing. And you watch – most of these people too will start to show a return smile coming over their face as well.

Yes, in today’s day and age some people will give you a strange stare for smiling at them. But even those people are having fun! Have you ever given someone a strange stare? Fun isn’t its original purpose. But somehow it ends up being fun anyway. And even those sourpusses whose sourness won’t be moved for anything or anyone, they still benefit from your smile as well. Because, whether they like it or not, you just injected a bit of positivity into their world. And that can’t help but do them well. So there is not a person you can smile at, really, who doesn’t somehow benefit from it.

And when you put out that kind of positivity into the world, it can’t help but come back at you.

Now this was just an example, just one experiment – smiling at strangers. But it shows how the smallest amounts of attention placed on positive things produces more positive things for you and everyone you touch.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Live life purposefully manifesting, through focusing!

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

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Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

Steve Covey’s Time Management Matrix – Spirit Bear Coaching

Steve Covey’s Time Management Matrix

low angle photo of tower
Photo by Hossam M. Omar on Pexels.com

Time Management is a common subject that comes up when life coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. And when it does, I often ask if my client is familiar with the Time Management Matrix made popular by Steve Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s a simple system anyone can use to reprioritise your efforts in every area of life, to become more efficient and effective in all you do.

In this matrix, all the tasks you could possibly perform are divided into four categories, each given its own quadrant on a chart. The four quadrants are:

  1. Important and Urgent: including tasks like deadlines and emergencies
  2. Important but Not Urgent: including tasks like learning and planning
  3. Not important but Urgent: like interruptions and distractions
  4. Not important and Not Urgent: like entertainment and busy work

The biggest lesson of this system is that while the first quadrant is the most important for accomplishing short term goals, the second quadrant is actually the most important for accomplishing long term goals. It’s also, as I find when talking with clients life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent, the quadrant that gets ignored the most. Tasks like reading and learning, goal setting and planning, tend to be the tasks that get pushed ahead in place of tasks with more perceived urgency, but not more importance.

The lesson I tell my life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent clients, and the lesson for you, from Covey’s Four Quadrant system is to take care of all urgent and important tasks (Quadrant 1) as quickly as you can. Get them out of the way. And then focus the majority of your time and energy in Quadrant 2, taking on those tasks that will help you achieve your larger, longer term goals.

“What’s talked about is a dream. What’s envisioned is exciting. What’s planned becomes possible. What’s scheduled is real.” ~ Anthony Robbins

“Anything else than a conscious commitment to the important, is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.” ~  Steven Covey

 

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

 

Improve Self-esteem – Spirit Bear Coaching

Improve Self-esteem

Life Coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent starts with loving and valuing yourself. Low self-esteem can sabotage our every effort at happiness while high self-esteem can be our greatest ally. Fortunately there are many ways to boost your self-esteem, including these:

Express yourself. By this I mean two things:

  • First – to express yourself creatively, through art, writing, song, crafts, cooking, drama, play. Creative expression is a basic human need that often goes neglected. Without it we may feel trapped, alienated, and unfulfilled, all of which can manifest as low self-esteem.
  • Second – to express those thoughts and feelings to other people that you’ve bottled up inside. As I’ve found repeatedly life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent unexpressed emotions wear people down and make them feel unsupported by the very person who should care for us most: ourselves!

Know thyself. Be honest with yourself about who you are — including your failings and flaws. Much low self-esteem is rooted in delusion. We may dislike parts of ourselves because we’re dishonest about what we’re seeing or think we should be seeing. Then we judge ourselves based on those false impressions: “I’m a bad mother…child…employee…spouse.”

Likewise we often overlook those aspects of ourselves for which we should be most proud. Taking an honest and unflinching account of who you really are, warts and all, allows you to stand firm in the whole of your being, for better and worse. And that makes you immune to the judgment of others.

Pamper yourself. One of the most enjoyable lessons I get to impart Life Coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent is that treating yourself with random acts of kindness has the same effect on you that it has on anyone else: it makes you feel good. And because it’s you who’s giving you that, it boosts your self-esteem. P.S. – Pampering others has the same self-esteem boosting benefits.

Live life purposefully manifesting, through focusing!

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

 

Comment

Angela O’Donovan says:

 

Inspirational. So true. Sometimes we need reminders of truths we know inside but forget in hurly burly of life.

Thanks.

***

Johnathan says:

 

Hi Angela,
Worthlessness is such a common wound. It effects our whole self image. So glad the article is up lifting, we all could do with slowing down a bit and being present.

Blessings,
Johnathan

 

Case Studies

Case Study 1: ‘Ed Orange’ – A Case Study of Anxiety and Depression

Case Presentation

Ed is a 35 year old family man who works full time. He was being treated by his General Practitioner for depression with anti-depressants and had recently just had his daily dosage doubled. Ed had been seeing a psychiatrist for over ten years.

Presenting Complaints

Ed was feeling very anxious/depressed when he referred himself to me. He had a secret debt which he had kept from his wife but who had recently just found out and was furious. Ed having been divorced once before and didn’t want to go through being left alone again he loved his wife and their three children. He considered the whole situation as hopeless and had the belief that he was both worthless and useless. As a result he suffered from insomnia and was stressed from his workload at work.

Ed’s History

Ed’s ex-wife had run-off with the ‘Best Man’ from their wedding. He felt that not only had he lost his wife but had lost his best friend as well. Ed had been very ill with a heart condition when he was born and wasn’t expected to survive. His mother seemed to have detached herself in readiness and neglected her nurturing responsibilities as a mother. Ed had decided as a child that he must be worthless as his mother never supported him.

The Wound

There seemed to be a pattern. Ed had two wounds, main wound of being Rejection showing up as Panic Attacks, the fear of being pushed away. And Abandonment showing up as the fear of Solitude (left alone).

Coaching Plan

First we worked on his emotional state and brought down his anxious feelings to a manageable level using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This would put him in a more resourceful state for clear thoughts to take place and could practice at home or when required.

Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), we then looked at Ed’s negative thinking styles and found he had two: “extreme thinking” and “mind reading” and looked at alternative positive thoughts. Seeing the big picture of how his thoughts affect his emotions which affect his behaviour he found enormously helpful.

CBT is a self hep treatment which focuses on changing how we feel now, a practical form of psychotherapy. It gives people the tools to make changes. Watch a short CBT information video below with a professor of CBT:

http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1

Ed began the process of un-learning unhelpful beliefs and learning to catch the negative thoughts as they occurred and after six weeks Ed is now FREE from antidepressants, is still happily married, sleeps well and as has more of a work-life balance. To his surprise his relationships with his children are noticeably better, he has more quality time to play and really be with them. He has a twinkle back in his eyes and a slide in his stride.

He’s now exploring new potential career paths that express who he really is and of course, always was.

“Johnathan has been a very strong influence in my life in past few months. I was depressed and could not see any way out of the dark depression. I had been to see my doctor who had put me on antidepressants and wanted me to see a psychologist, from past experiences I was reluctant to see a psychologist as I found it a very short term fix and unhelpful.

I went for my first session with Johnathan and found it to be such a positive and motivating session, I started seeing him on a weekly basses and grew stronger in myself week by week, the tools that Johnathan taught me to use have been excellent and have helped me to reduce my dosage of antidepressants with an aim of stopping them all together, which I did after six sessions with Johnathan.

The tools I have been given are not the short term fix I was avoiding but will remain with me for life and help me maintain the strength I have found within myself.” ~ Ed Orange

Case Study 2: ‘A Boy Aged Four’ – A Case Study of Feeling Sad

I had received a call from a young single mother who had a four year old son. At his school ‘kindergarten/reception’ class, her son was very shy and closed but was willing to join in the practises for the up coming festival. But when it came to showing the parents their showcase, he wouldn’t perform in front of the mums and dads despite really wanting to, he would get frustrated then angry which would then lead to some display of negative behaviour.

Her son was a delightful little boy, but there was one thing that was crystal clear. At this age, the cognitive process hasn’t developed yet, which meant the mental level approaches like CBT and NLP weren’t really the right tools for the job. Trying to find out whether it was a fear of performing school plays or getting it wrong or being laughed at, and any negative thoughts he may of had before any of those fears, wasn’t going to be very fruitful and nonsensical reasoning.

I decided to use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on the child and simply bypass thinking styles and challenging thoughts and beliefs etc.

EFT combines tapping on acupuncture points with words based on NLP.

He was able to tell me that he felt sad whenever he saw his mum in the audience. Curiously, I asked him what was he sad about when he sees his mum in the audience, he answered that he gets sad because she would leave again after the show.

I asked the mother where the father was and whether her son had been left alone in the past?  The father had never been around much after the birth of their son, and after the son was three and a half months old the mother, who worked as a make-up artist, had been offered work at the Opera House and gratefully accepted the job in order to move out of the tiny rented accommodation she had and get a mortgage for a home. By age two and a half years old, the mother then was offered a feature film contract but meant more crazy hours up to 70 hr weeks! So her son stayed with his grandmother while the mother went to work.

At this age, a child needs Love & Attention, which no doubt the grandmother was able to give to her grandson. But the son not understanding why he was dropped off may have triggered a basic wounding of ‘abandonment’ perhaps feeling a little deserted. This can lead to the fear of being alone and would therefore cling onto his mother.

After tapping a mixture of ‘fear of being alone’ and ‘feeling really sad’, half an hour later we were done. We did the same again the following week for our second session.

One of the most beautiful things working with children is how quick the sessions are as they are very receptive and not argumentative as adults can be. By dealing with this now and making it fun, means he won’t have to deal with this particular wound in 20+ years time when his negative behaviours may have magnified to something much worse! He can now be his own healer and with his new evidence can form new empowering beliefs.

This is an email I received a week later from the mother:

I took my 4 year old son to have EFT with Johnathan and have been utterly amazed at the results. After just a few days of ‘tapping’ he was no longer highly distressed when I dropped him at school but running in happy and carefree with barely a backward glance. He is starting to love playing at Kindergarten and is interacting a lot more with the friends he is making. A sight I have longed for and one that filled my heart with joy beyond words. The festival was a huge success, and he  joined in with all of it and absolutely loved it. He had a huge smile on his face the whole time and kept waving. Very cute. He is so proud of himself and wanted me to let you know he had done it.

He immediately connected to Johnathan’s warm, gentle and compassionate approach and really enjoyed learning the tapping process.

After just two sessions with Johnathan he would tell me the emotion he wanted to tap and we would do it together at home as well…and in some slightly more extraordinary locations! We were at the top of a steep tunnel slide and he really wanted to go down but was too scared (he has always been scared of these slides and has only gone down one once before) He turned around to me and said, ‘come on Mama let’s tap the scared feeling away.’ After the first round of tapping he sat down at the top of the slide, after the second round he shuffled in about an inch, after the third.. a little more of a shuffle forward and after the fourth he started to giggle and said, ‘I don’t need to do any more tapping Mama, I can do this.’ He gave me a big smile and then after a slight hesitation…off he went…whizzing down the slide, whooping. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Absolutely incredible!

The part I like the most is how easy and effective it is for him to do; for him it has already become as normal as brushing his teeth! It is a good feeling to know he has a tool which will help him all through his life, should he need to use it. Something which will help him always be true to himself…not his fears. No matter how big or small. Thank you Johnathan, for teaching my beautiful son such a wonderful healing method with such warmth and understanding.”  ~ T.M. Mother, Make-up artist and author

 

youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKDhRohzSdU&w=420&h=315

Johnathan Brooks, PG Dip, MAC, CBT, MNLP, EFT is a Cognitive Behavioural Coach who has trained in a wide range of treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) has a MA in ‘Applied Coaching’ and a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ – passed with a ‘Commendation’.