Hopelessness Archives – Spirit Bear Coaching

How to Raise Resilient Children

At my daughter’s local primary school in Tunbridge Wells,  the Principal Head asked me to come for an hour one to one life coaching meeting with him to discuss how to build resilience in children. He had noticed over the last few year’s that the resilience in the children had deteriorated. He was concerned that many parents were putting their children under immense pressure to pass the 11 plus as we were in the grammar system area. Self harming was on the increase to 1 in 60 pupils at the school at about the age of ten, which is when the 11 plus is taken.

I was also invited to a parent forum to discuss resilience with the aim of possible content for a school booklet on the subject to help parents raise resilient children. The booklet is still an on going process. Listening to the parents complain to the Principal Head about why their child didn’t make the football team or the gymnastics team made me see how the backgrounds and negative beliefs of the parents is projected onto their children.

For example, if your son wasn’t selected for the football team and you realised that all of the selected boys birthdays were pre-christmas and your son is a post-christmas birthdate, it may well be that the six months difference in strength, speed and skill is big. But if you then tell your son this, will this empower him or give him the sense of ‘hopelessness’ and feel that it’s not worth trying? When perhaps, simply asking your son ‘So what are you going to do about it?’ allows him to take responsibility and teaches him to look for a solution for himself, rather than arguing with the school as a strategy to get your way, a model that your son would then learn from you, who then possibly becomes one of the unpleasant members in society who screams in playgrounds/parks/streets or later in the workplace as a means of getting what they want.

This got me thinking for a blog article.

One of the most difficult things a parent, guardian or teacher has to endure is watching the children they love struggle with change, adversity and loss. We can’t protect them from the realities of life, we realise in these helpless moments. But what we can do is raise our children to be resilient in such realities.

What Makes a Child Resilient

In the extensive “A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children” by Edith H. Grotberg, Ph.D. of The International Resilience Project, children draw on 3 “sources of resilience”:

  • What and whom they HAVE around them for structure, safety and support. This includes trustworthy relationships, structure in their home, positive role models, encouragement toward autonomy, and access to the necessities of their health, education, security and welfare.
  • Who they ARE as a person that makes them safe and secure in their world. This includes feeling loved and lovable, developing compassion and empathy, pride in oneself, self-responsibility, and a positive attitude.
  • What they CAN do to affect their own safety and security. This includes skills in communication, problem solving, impulse control, dealing responsibly with emotions, measuring the emotional “temperature” of themselves and others, and seeking help from the right people at the right times.

Another way Dr. Grotberg describes these qualities is as: Love, Inner Strength, and Interpersonal Skills.

In order for a child to be as resilient as possible to all circumstances, all three of these sources of resilience — love, inner strength, and interpersonal skills — must be developed to their fullest. Children must have a support system on hand to go through their toughest (and brightest) experiences with them. Children must develop the qualities of being and self-awareness required for resilience (e.g. respect for others, self-responsibility, positive attitude, willingness to help). And children must be able and empowered to interact effectively with the world in which they live (e.g. talking about their problems, controlling their negative impulses, seeking help when needed).

The American Psychological Association lists “10 Tips for building resilience in children and teens” on their website filled with great common-sense advice that we often overlook, or forget how much it matters.

This includes:

  • creating a daily routine and sticking to it
  • promoting good hygiene and self-care
  • speaking openly and honestly about the inevitability of change
  • helping your child to build strong relationships and help other people

 

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

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Reflection Archives – Spirit Bear Coaching

The Law of Attraction In A Nutshell

Purposeful Manifestation Through Focusing’

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When the book and subsequent movie of The Secret came out, people everywhere were buzzing about its revelation: the Law of Attraction. Revealed as the key to the prolific success of some of history’s greatest minds, like Michelangelo and Thomas Jefferson, the Law of Attraction is a powerful insight into the workings of nature that can be consciously, intentional used as a tool for manifestation. A tool whose ideas underlie many, if not most, other manifestation processes.

As big a “secret” as it may be (or rather, may once have been) it is actually quite a simple concept to understand. It is divided into three steps for manifesting, or “attracting”, anything you want into your life. Those three steps are as follows:

1.      Ask
2.      Accept
3.      Allow

Now let’s break these steps down for you, one at a time.

1. Ask

To have what you want, you first must know what you want. Asking is a process of letting the universe know what you want. And maybe even more importantly, letting it know that you know what you want.

Why is this important? Because in doing so, you’re generating a very clear and decisive energy. The source likes that. The clearer and more definitive, the better. Because it is that clarity of vision of knowing what you want, coupled with the singularity of desire that comes from asking for it that targets the “object” of your desire with laser-point accuracy.

2. Accept

Most people have some experience with step 1. Whether in prayer or goal-setting, most of you reading this have already at one time or another asked for what you want. Many of us also know (some, all to well) the experience of asking for what we want and not getting it. That is because asking for it is only the 1st step of the process, and many people either stop here or worse, take actions completely counterproductive to the law of attraction. We ask for what we want, then we promptly, clumsily get in our own way and thwart it’s manifestation.

What actions? Those they display doubt and uncertainty about getting those goals met. Like whining and fretting and complaining about “not having” it yet. Like worrying about your future should you not get it, or worse taking actions that imagine it not happening instead of taking actions that imagine success.

That’s where steps 2 and 3 come into the picture.

Step 2, or Accept, could also be called Receive, because it’s about trusting that your request was heard, and more, that it’s been granted. It’s the meaning of “Ask and ye shall Receive”: that in the asking, you instantaneously set in motion a cycle of energetic events that has the object of your desire already on its way to you.

So what do you do? You sit back and relax, content in the knowledge that your request has been heard and granted and you can move onto other things. If you don’t, and you constantly obsess over this thing you want to manifest, then you’re showing the universe that you don’t really believe it’s coming. You push it away with your distrust of the process instead of accepting that it’s on its way.

3. Allow

The other way we push the manifestation of our desires away is with a sense of undeserving-ness. We don’t act like we get what we want in life, so our life produces evidence of that. But if we act like we get what we want in life, our life produces evidence of that. We must Allow the fulfillment of our wishes to come into our life by creating the energy that supports their existence.

And the way that we do that is by feeling inside what it’s like (not what it would be like, but what it is like) to have the fulfillment of your desires here and now. If step 2 is about Knowing, step 3 is about Feeling. You must exude the energy of someone who’s living as if their next fulfilment is on its way, like a houseguest. You need do nothing but prepare your home for their arrival.

Live life purposefully manifesting, through focusing!

’til we meet again,

Walk in Peace;
Walk in Beauty.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Cognitive Behavioural Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

Why we shouldn’t celebrate Osama Bin Ladin’s death?

We are One….deep down in our shadow self, there may be a part of us all that is part Osama.

If you believe in Oneness one can’t pick and choose which we’re one with and which one we’re not. Perhaps he reflected mans lack of ‘Brotherhood’. Either case, there’s little point in popping Champaign. One needs to go deeper in much the same way in Germany’s role in the ‘shadow of Europe’ twice!

Why does one need to mourn or celebrate? The only thing people should ask themselves is: How does this affect me? If Osama is a reflection of me (in some way), is there a part of me that is a bit fanatical? And if so, how can I neutralise it?

We can’t have Peace in the world until you have Peace within us first. People that celebrate the death are not seeing the whole picture the ‘complete change’ into the Compassionate Age.

Those that celebrate are coming from the old reactionary state are stuck in the old ideas of retribution, an eye for an eye, but that just makes people blind.

Jung said that (and he wasn’t the only one) only when there is nothing else you can do then you let go and let in the Higher energies. Let go meaning letting go of our personality Self to have it our way only. I’ll leave that for your own interpretation as to what he meant by Higher energies.

Praying v’s Manifestation

Praying v’s Manifestation

“The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism” – Sir William Osler

The whole basis to Lynn McTaggat’s work is that everything is a constantly fluctuating mass of energy which all of creation exists from and it is our thoughts that influence this mass of energy which shapes our individual reality. And that God = Zero Point Field or Cosmos or The Source Or Mystery. Coming from this belief, it is hard to imagine that God is a person!
Therefore, God is only a label and not a male person. The only advantage to referring to God as a person is that it makes it easier to explain life in some way, in much the same way Native Americans refer to stones as the ‘stone people’ or the ‘tree people’, because everything has consciousness.
The main disadvantage of referring to God as a person though is that you set beliefs that God is up there in the sky which leads to beliefs of separateness between us, nature, the universe, and God, which the planet is now suffering as a result.
As we are all one with everything, then we are also rain. So you pray rain. If you pray for rain, then you are not accepting that rain is a part of you. This old way of praying rain is like visualising the rain and experiencing the essence and quality of the rain/water, this way you are sending out the water vibration and then celebrating that it rained, and because it was good for the whole or good intent it actually rains.
Now, suppose that you wanted to pray for Peace as you were angry at politicians or whoever, the prayers would have no effect because of the anger vibrations rippling out. Therefore, you take on inner peace then you are naturally sending out the Peace vibration.
If you want to pray for a person’s health, you try and stimulate that person’s own healing within, by imagining/visualising the person in good health. This would be a healthy prayer coming from peace, love, compassion etc.
What we’re doing is ordering our life in the best possible way. You attract by your own ability to attract and manifest. You can only do the above if you believe that you are a co-creator or part of God. Then you have a part of creating with all. Part God is part of the Whole.

I think what Gregg Braden has said is spot on about the book Secrets of The Lost Mode of Prayer, “allowing no room for the conscious filtered mind to take a hold. Praying rain helps you avoid one’s inner critic” I would call that similar to having a ‘personality’.
If you just pray to God in the hope that He will make things better, then He will either give you what you want or not depending if you have been good or not. Then praying becomes about trying to change God’s mind, as though he had a personality to change!
If you were to create not coming from, ‘for the good of everybody’ there would be a payback in Karma by dealing with the karma. Not because God judges whether it is right or wrong as God is the Cosmos and the Cosmos does not judge.
Only when you have trust in yourself, others and the trust in the universe’s plan will anyone have true Power and Wisdom.

 

‘Walk in Peace;

Walik in Beauty’
Johnathan

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

 

– Spirit Bear Coaching

Spirit Bear Coaching

Thank you for reading! I hope you found this article enlightening and fulfilling. If you feel I can help, do not hesitate to contact me.

If you would like to learn more about how manifestation can empower your life, do not hesitate to sign up for my blog updates. In return you will receive a link to an interview where I explain the power of manifestation.

 

Time Management Archives – Spirit Bear Coaching

Steve Covey’s Time Management Matrix

low angle photo of tower
Photo by Hossam M. Omar on Pexels.com

Time Management is a common subject that comes up when life coaching in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. And when it does, I often ask if my client is familiar with the Time Management Matrix made popular by Steve Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s a simple system anyone can use to reprioritise your efforts in every area of life, to become more efficient and effective in all you do.

In this matrix, all the tasks you could possibly perform are divided into four categories, each given its own quadrant on a chart. The four quadrants are:

  1. Important and Urgent: including tasks like deadlines and emergencies
  2. Important but Not Urgent: including tasks like learning and planning
  3. Not important but Urgent: like interruptions and distractions
  4. Not important and Not Urgent: like entertainment and busy work

The biggest lesson of this system is that while the first quadrant is the most important for accomplishing short term goals, the second quadrant is actually the most important for accomplishing long term goals. It’s also, as I find when talking with clients life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent, the quadrant that gets ignored the most. Tasks like reading and learning, goal setting and planning, tend to be the tasks that get pushed ahead in place of tasks with more perceived urgency, but not more importance.

The lesson I tell my life coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent clients, and the lesson for you, from Covey’s Four Quadrant system is to take care of all urgent and important tasks (Quadrant 1) as quickly as you can. Get them out of the way. And then focus the majority of your time and energy in Quadrant 2, taking on those tasks that will help you achieve your larger, longer term goals.

“What’s talked about is a dream. What’s envisioned is exciting. What’s planned becomes possible. What’s scheduled is real.” ~ Anthony Robbins

“Anything else than a conscious commitment to the important, is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.” ~  Steven Covey

 

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.

 


The 80/20 Rule: A Powerful Life Coaching & Management Tool

close up photo of woman hugging a guy
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

That means in any team or group, 20% of the members are doing 80% of the work. And in an individuals own work, 20% of what they put into something is responsible for 80% of the results. In the 1940s, Dr. Joseph M. Juran — who is responsible for naming this phenomenon the Pareto Principle — observed similarly that 20% of the defects in a product or process are responsible for 80% of the problems. So it goes both ways. In fact, as it turns out, this principle can apply to almost anything:

80% of clients deliver 20% of your income.

80% of all frustrations in a relationship are caused by just 20% of the problems.

80% of your problems are caused by 20% of your circumstances.

80% of your income comes from 20% of your work.

So in terms of personal coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent, how does one apply this principle toward improving your own time management and productivity? Toward increasing efficiency and effectiveness, whether in your work, school or home life? By applying 80 of your efforts to the most important 20 percent of your work or goals. Or find out which 20%  is the main cause of your problems and then eliminate them.

As I share with many a client personal coaching in Tunbridge wells, Kent, the Pareto Principle teaches you how to work smarter rather than harder, by reminding you to put the bulk of your energy toward the few tasks that matter most.

’til we meet again,

Walk in Beauty;
Walk in Peace.

signature

 

Causing the Miraculous by Spreading Beauty, Truth & Harmony

Johnathan Brooks, MAC, PG Dip is a Life Coach who has trained in a wide range of personal development treatment methods including the “Power Therapies” (CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (postgrad), EFT Emotional Freedom Technique, Master NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming) and has a Post Graduate Diploma in ‘Coaching and NLP’ which he passed with a ‘Commendation’. And is based in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

He is a full member of the Association for Coaching (MAC) and is a Gold member of The Professional Guild of NLP.